The Princess Bride

2 Nov

I’d like to take today to chat about a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately.

See, as a nanny, I have down time each morning, and generally I read, spend way too much time on pinterest, and sometimes watch tv. I’ve gotten in the habit of watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on occassion, and there is a shocking trend that I find personally absurd.  It is the trend of brides needing to “feel like a Princess” on their wedding day.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit- I’ve got weddings on my mind a lot these days. I know it’s in my not-to-far-away future, and so I think about it a fair bit.

But not ONCE did the thought cross my mind of, “Oh, I’d like to look/feel/smell/act like a Princess!”

I wouldn’t categorize myself as a tomboy, (although my lack of ability to paint my nails and/or keep nail polish on my nails puts me on the suspect list) but the idea of being a princess makes my skin crawl a little! I LOVE all of the old school Disney movies. The Little Mermaid is my favorite (obviously)… but the idea of having long, swishy hair and a high floaty voice and a huge poufy dress does NOT sound like the happiest day of my life.

Reasons why being a Princess doesn’t sound appealing whatosever:

#1. The Tiara– Okay. If you’re a REAL Princess (ie: Princess Grace, Princess Kate), a tiara is fine. Mostly because it’s REAL. Fake tiaras look fake, and therefore you look like a fake princess, which is what you’re trying to avoid, am I right? They’re pretentious in a, “I think I deserve to look pretentious, however I don’t, because this thing is fake” kind of way.

#2. Long Trains– I’ve never been married, but between carrying 50 lbs of flowers, a “Miss America” worthy tiara, and weilding a 100 pound tutu, the last thing you need is to drag 50 more feet of material behind you! But then again, how will you pose on the giant stairs without a train, billowing behind you?! What a quandary.

#3. Horse Drawn Carriage– 2 words: horse shit. Do you really want to smell that on your wedding day??

#4: Huge Castle– The only castle cool enough to want to get married in (mostly for the sake of visiting it) is the Hogwarts Castle. And if you are holding your wedding in the Hogwarts Castle, you have way bigger issues than being a “Princess” bride. That puts you in the “theme wedding” category, and that’s a whole other post.

 

Then there’s the whole “Fiance’ dressed like a Prince” who may or may not look ridiculous in that outfit (I’m imagining Kit dressed like Prince William and as much as I love him, there’s no way I could take him seriously with that hat on.), all your guests having to wear ridiculous hats/fascinators (Okay, fine- I’m taking that one step further, but it’s a funny mental picture too), and the general idea of how it is BOUND to turn you into some sort of “Bridezilla” because it puts a huge amount of pressure on the “perfection” of a day that’s supposed to be about love and happiness.

 

So there is my treatise on why NO one will call me a “Princess” on my wedding day, and hopefully won’t call you that either (especially if you’re the groom).

 

Cheers!

Here I am, up on my Soapbox Again…

13 Sep

I’m sure most of you who are reading this have seen my angry tweets regarding the constitutional amendment that’s being voted on in the NC Senate today, but I only have so many outlets for my frustration- so I’m using this one as well.

I’ve always been proud to be from North Carolina. When I was little, I imagined that there were many more exciting and interesting places to live, but the more I travel, the more I love North Carolina. The people are genuine, we have great weather, and don’t even get me started on how much I love the NC mountains. This place is home.

But today, when I read the paper, the sick feeling in my stomach would not go away. I feel ashamed that the lawmakers in my state want to ban my friends and family from the right of being able to marry whoever they choose. People who’ve grown up in this state, gone to school here, and want to continue their lives in their home won’t be able to if this ridiculous amendment is passed.

Here’s the wording of the new amendment:

“Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state.” (via Raleigh News & Observer)

Not only does this wording define marriage in a narrow sense, it dissolves recognition of all other unions (domestic partnership, civil unions)… effectively taking a step backwards. Someone tell me how this is logical.

My understanding has always been that our forefathers (who are always being credited for these close-minded ideals) founded this nation on the idea of wanting government to stay the hell out of their religious beliefs. So saying that they would’ve supported something that lets conservatives craft their religious convictions into a constitutional amendment is preposterous to me.

I personally don’t view gay marriage as a religious issue. I think that as citizens of the USA, we are entitled to the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness, and since committing your life to someone doesn’t hurt anyone else, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business who you choose to marry. Whether you “believe” in being gay or not (whatever that means), freedom for everyone is what this country is supposed to stand for.

However, if it is a religious issue in your mind, consider these good points I read in the paper today:

Rep. Marcus Brandon says “It’s just this type of judging and this spirit of judging that makes it hard for people to accept Christ. This is not the spirit of Jesus. Not even close.” Amen to that.

Rep. Glen Bradley also made an interesting point/suggestion for the amendment: He says, “If we care about the institution of marriage in North Carolina, we must move to remove authority of man over the dominion of God and not stake our claim even deeper than it is.” The News & Observer reported that “Bradley offered a change that would have asked voters to prohibit state licensing of all marriages in addition to the same-sex marriage ban.”  Now that’s the ultimate way to leave it up to God.

Please, think about this issue seriously. Put away any prejudices you may carry, and imagine how you’d feel if you were being denied the right to marry the one you love. Let’s stand together and fight for equality.

 

Equality is a right, not a priviledge.

Professional Mom?

16 Aug

I’m thinking of changing my “Nanny” title to “Professional Mom.” Sounds more official, right?

Here are some of the skills I’ve honed in the last year and a half:

1. I can predict when a baby is going to vomit, and grab a towel in time to clean it up. Voila! No mess.

2. I can tell the difference between sad cry, happy cry, hungry cry, and sleepy cry.

3. I can carry a carrier AND a 2 year old simultaneously. (Hello arm strength! Roar!)

4. I can interpret almost every word out of Jackson’s mouth (very impressive when “applesauce,” “octopus,” and “up the stairs” all sound like “ah-po-pouf.” It’s all about context, guys.).

5. I have at least 5 of the Baby Einstein dvds completely memorized (Music, Scene order, etc. There is no real dialogue.).

6. I know all of the classic nursery rhymes, most of the hand motions, and all of the songs that go along with them. (Thanks to my Mom, for reading me “The Real Mother Goose” about a million times in my childhood.).

7. I can go to the grocery store with 2 kids and a huge list and get in and out in less than an hour.

8. I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. With one hand.

These are just some of my many skillz, but I think they’re pretty good. The title “Professional Mom” should definitely apply, right?

I recently saw a blog post that I laughed out loud at, for how closely it resembles my everyday life. It has a top ten list of reasons that having a toddler is like being at a frat party. Here are my favorites:

#8: It’s best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

#6: Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

#4: There’s definitely going to be a fight.

Guess I didn’t miss out on too much in college, huh?  Haha! You can read the rest of the post here.

The thing about nannying that makes the title “Professional Mom” more apt is that it’s not all fun and games. I am the “mom” all day (read: maid, cook, disciplinarian) and when I leave, the parents get to do the playing. Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

My job consists of joys like the meltdown Jackson had the other day when he wanted a bite of my strawberry. I said, “Of course you can have some of this huge strawberry! Just take a bite!” The tiny problem I overlooked is that Jackson doesn’t actually know what a “bite” is. So he proceeds to attempt to fit the entire strawberry in his mouth. Which almost worked, but obviously wouldn’t have gone well from there, so I pulled it out of his mouth a tiny bit and tried to coerce him to bite the end of the strawberry. Of course, Jackson interpreted this as me taking away the strawberry, and dissolved into a fit of tears. 3 times.

This stuff is not for sissies.

I love my life. 🙂