Wedding Central

15 Jul

My life is being overtaken by weddings.

Some things up front, before I start this post:

  1. I love weddings.
  2. I love the people in my life that are getting/have gotten married.
  3. This is in no way derogatory to weddings I have been in/plan to be in.

Leah & I talk often about how we should be professionals at weddings by now. I wish I had photos on this computer of all the weddings I was in when I was little. See, my parents were Sunday School teachers for the “Singles” class at church (which sounds like a dating service, but really amounted to college twenty-somethings and the awkwardly old, yet unmarried people in the church). When all of these people finally got around to getting married, Meredith & I happened to be the perfect ages (and since she’s so tiny, we were about the same size) to be flower girls in everyone’s weddings.

Being a flower girl has all sorts of perks, unlike being a bridesmaid. When you’re a bridesmaid, you have to pay for your own dress (which you more than likely will hate), buy multiple presents, spend time with other friends of the bride whom you don’t know, or don’t know well, and go to all the dressy functions.

As a flower girl, your mom buys you a dress that (in your mind) only a princess would ever get to wear. You get dressed up on the day of the wedding and (usually) get some sort of gift for being in the wedding. People fawn over how cute you look and you get tons of pictures taken. You get a basket of flower petals that you get to throw out as you walk down the aisle and everyone “Aw”s over how cute you are, and then you get to stand right next to the bride in all of the pictures. Afterwards, you go to the reception and your mom gives you as much cake as you want as a reward for being “so good!” It’s awesome.

With this arsenal of experience, I will relate some of my ideas as to wedding do’s and don’ts.


  • Hire a professional photographer. There’s nothing worse than crappy pictures taken from the front row of a wedding as the only thing you have to frame in your house.
  • Realize that there is no “one-size-fits-all” dress. Perhaps you’d like to pick a color palate and let your bridesmaids choose the dress that is best suited for their body type. Unless you’re trying to make them all look ugly so you, as the bride, look hotter. If so, I support you and will wear whatever you want me to. It is your day, and karma’s a bitch.
  • Stock your M-O-H’s pockets with candy with which to subdue the flower girl during the wedding. Saw this done earlier this summer- and she was a jewel. Pure genius, I say.


  • Have a bridal party of epic proportions. There’s nothing tackier than a bride and groom flanked by 24 bridesmaids/groomsmen on either side. You don’t have to have your 2nd cousin twice removed in your wedding party when you’ve only met once.
  • Let the pastor give a huge sermon. You’re there to get married, and that’s what people are there to watch. No one wants to hear a 45 minute lecture on 1 Corinthians 13. We know what it says. You love each other. Let’s go eat.
  • Do that awkward thing where the guy who catches the garter puts it on the leg of the girl who caught the bouquet. It makes me nervous just thinking about it. It’s awkward to watch, but you can’t look away. For this sole purpose, I go out of my way not to catch the bouquet.
  • Choose flower girls/ring bearers who have behavioral “issues.” You’re asking for it by choosing the cute but terrifying child who is sure to throw a tantrum when not the center of attention.

Okay, this is all the wisdom I have to impart for now. I will update later if I think of something else. I’m off to try drinking cup of coffee #2 again, because Pacha assumed she was entitled to it when I went to the bathroom. Damn dog. Ugh.


2 Responses to “Wedding Central”

  1. Leah July 15, 2010 at 11:34 am #

    Guest Post from Me:

    Do start to relax 2-3 days before the wedding. If it’s not done by now it’s not happening, so enjoy your time with the girls/family members who flew across the country to be with you.
    Do have a *small* drink before you get into your dress if you are terrified. A little Jack Daniel’s goes a long way.
    Do dance. More people dance if the bride is dancing. Not only do we feel obligated, it’s more interesting to dance with someone who is wearing a giant dress.

    Don’t require things of the bridal party that you aren’t willing to pay for. (Obviously a bridesmaids dress is required). You can arrange for nails, hair, & makeup to be done for bridesmaids but never just decide it and then bill them. Chances are these girls are spending in the neighborhood of $500 each (shower, gifts for shower & wedding, dress, shoes, transportation, hotel, hair, makeup, nails) on YOUR wedding already so be nice to their shiney clutch purses.
    Don’t save everything until 2 days before. And by this I mean don’t have your bridesmaids up at 3 AM putting together programs when they have 8 AM hair appointments and your family is peacefully sleeping and the groomsmen are at a bar. Some things (assembly of fresh flowers, decorating the church) can’t be done until the last minute but there are people whose JOB is to do those things. Bridesmaids are there to support your commitment to your future husband. They aren’t indentured servants.
    Don’t plan your wedding in some weirdly-exciting far away place unless it is an island getaway. Everything is harder to do if you don’t live there. Everything is easier (on the family & the bridal party) if there are free places to stay, and a familiar “staff” (people at the church, people at the reception site). There is a reason weddings are traditionally in the brides home town.
    Bride says: “Oh I always wanted to get married on the beach!”
    Reality: Hotel rooms (safely $80 a night) for bridal and groom family & wedding party… $1120… JUST for people who are in the wedding. Guests are a whole different story. Every meal is now a going out thing… unless you are weird and pack a picnic basket. With just that money alone you could’ve gotten a 54308 inch TV or a bedroom suite.

    I know you wanted my 2 cents worth.

  2. Meredith August 13, 2010 at 12:02 am #

    Changed my mind– you both can be the flower girls and I promise I’ll have somebody with candy (and a flask) in their pocket for you. πŸ™‚ hehe

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: