Love & a Bagel.

5 May

As I ate my “lunch” today (I put that word in quotations so I won’t get hateful responses from readers who understand the fluidity of that term when applied to my eating habits), I thought about how much I love carbs.

I’m sure you all know this, but in case you are unaware, I would like to share my love affair with carbohydrates. It’s probably one of the longest standing relationships in  my life, and has brought my much joy and happiness throughout the years.

Now, I know I may be more of a carb enthusiast than most people, but I bet, if you’re honest, you share at least some of my appreciation for this delectable cuisinary category.

Really, though. Think about it.

We’ll begin with breakfast. Bagels are the most delicious breakfast food possible (unless you prefer waffles, pancakes, toast, english muffins, scones, or cinnamon rolls- all of which are still categorized under carbohydrate-ness).

What’s for lunch, you ask? Well there’s a myriad of types of bread with which to make delicious sandwiches, etc. Even people who don’t like “bread” like some of these- such as tortillas. There are loaves and baguettes, rolls, and, of course, no respectable Southern girl can forget biscuits (Which can be eaten at any meal of the day, I might add).

For those who say dinner should consist of a piece of “Dead Animal” (as my meat eating counterpart likes to call them) and a vegetable, I have a 1 word argument: PASTA.

Who doesn’t like at least some form of pasta?  Elbow Macaroni, which brings back fond memories of childhood art projects, Angel Hair (if you’re feeling like spinning your fork around for hours trying to take a bite), Lasagna (Stouffer’s, anyone?), Spaghetti-O’s, etc. All the names are even fun to say! How else can you throw words like cavatappi, rotini, vermicelli (which sounds like a disease, if you ask me), and bucatini into your everyday conversation?

Then, for dessert, you could order icecream, which technically would be categorized as dairy, but who wants icecream without a cone? Even better, a waffle cone! And you should probably mix in some graham cracker crust or cookie dough. Voila! Carbs just made your originally delicious dessert even more delicious. It’s like magic. This brilliance can be traced back to the Renaissance, when Ice Cream Cake made it’s debut. Talk about genius.

There’s a whole list of other delicious, carb filled confections that make my sweet tooth sing. Cookies (Chocolate Chip, please!), Brownies, Eclairs (Mmmmm), Pie, Cobbler, Cake… What do they all have in common? That’s right: Mr. Carbohydrate, my BFF.

In short, I just want to propose that the Adkins diet was a sad time in the history of American Culture. How did that come about, anyway? Was Mr. Adkins sat around thinking, “What’s the best way to make people miserable while losing weight? Oh yeah, I’ll take away everything that tastes good” ? I’d rather run, yep you heard me, RUN every day than give up my love affair with carbs. That’s real sacrifice, people. That’s what love is all about.

Wow. Now I’m craving brownies. Hm. Guess I know what I’m doing when I get off work…

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