CRIBS presents:

2 Mar

The other day, I was talking to my employer, Julie, and she asked if I’d be interested in picking up a little extra cash for some doing some odds & ends around the house while I’m here. I said, “sure,” (I mean who can’t use extra $$?) and when I came to work yesterday, she had  a list of things she wanted cleaned/organized.

One of the things on the list was the “Dog Pantry.”

When I began cleaning out this pantry, I quickly became aware of “the situation.” There is an entire tin (larger than the dogs themselves) devoted solely to treats of all shapes & sizes, in addition to the family sized bags of treats that won’t fit in the tin. I find this especially entertaining, because at this very moment, there is a pile of dog crap on the mat in the bathroom, because someone was too cold to go outside to go to the bathroom. When John comes home in the afternoons, he forces the dogs to go outside, watches them use the bathroom, and rewards them with the aforementioned treats for not using the rug as their personal fire hydrant.

This, however, is not the purpose of this post. Another thing I found was what I like to call “the closet.” It was a clear bin stuffed SO full of dog “clothes” that it was spilling out over the top. I was appalled by the absurdity of this, so, for your viewing pleasure, I have taken the liberty of including a photo montage of the things I found.

Pacha

This was (in my opinion) the most disturbing, yet appropriate, of the “accessories.” If you can’t tell, it’s a wig with devil horns protruding from the top. Pacha wears this when she’s feeling especially saucy. Pitchfork not included.

Ho Ho Ho!! What respectable Miami-bred rat dog doesn’t own the MJ sleeveless santa costume (complete with santa hat)?!

Pacha is nothing, if not edgy. This pink spike collar is offbeat, yet femine.

What’s a wardrobe without contrast?  When feeling especially sweet (or for a hilarious twist on April Fools Day, perhaps), this dress with attached wings is the perfect choice.

Perfect for a garden party or an informal bridal luncheon, this one piece number has grosgrain ribbon trim & a loud polka dot print. You’re sure to stand out in this!

Even in the winter time, it’s important for the world to know how green you are, by displaying the recycle triangle on the back of your faux suede jumpsuit. It’s even lined, for maximum warmth when going to the bathroom outside!

Last, but certainly not least, is this pink hat with gauze accents, perfect for the premier of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this exclusive look into the lives of the small and disgusting. Tune in next time for Tinkerbell Hilton’s thoughts on last night’s Bachelor results.

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One Response to “CRIBS presents:”

  1. samac March 5, 2010 at 4:21 pm #

    i say steal the spiked necklace and give it to kit so he can relive his punk days.

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