You call me a mountain, and I call you the sea…

16 Feb

Okay, I’ll admit it.

I’m homesick.

I learned in college that “home” isn’t as much a place as it is people. And I’m realizing that I am definitely homesick lately. I absolutely love my life, don’t get me wrong. I love living in Raleigh, I LOVE my job, I love living with Leah, etc. But damn facebook keeps showing me what all of the other people in my life are doing, and it’s hard being the one that’s gone.

I know I’m where I need to be. But at the same time, it’s sad. I think with all the stress of graduating and moving out, applying and interviewing for jobs (and getting one!), the holidays, etc… It’s taken a while for me to get settled in enough to step back and realize what I left.

I loved college. I feel more at home in Asheville than anywhere in the world. The mountains call to a deep part of me that I don’t even understand. Maybe it’s because I had the most important transition years of my life (so far) there.

I miss being able to always have someone to call and eat a meal with. I miss Scott singing outside my window, and Sarah showing up in my room unannounced. I miss having a bad day and being able to go down to Todd’s office and vent. I miss knowing that Kit was within walking distance at any point in the day. I miss going to yoga with Amy and watching Chelsea Lately with Kasey, Kayla, & Katie. I miss Todd Allen and his rum & cokes and our grocery store runs. I miss the Waffle House at 2am. I miss walking up 96 stairs every day and the sense of accomplishment and relief I felt when I finally got to Brown. I miss the way Mars Hill looks in the spring with the gorgeous flowers. I miss Beaver Lake and Barnes & Noble when I needed to escape. I miss the practice rooms that I didn’t take full advantage of, and I miss band practice with Audrey & the Peter Punk Kids. I miss family dinners. I miss trips to Asheville to go to Target & sushi dates with my favorite people. I miss Mary Kate’s stories in choir and getting dirty looks for talking to each other too much. I miss picking the raisins out of my granola in the caf every day & Scott getting so upset when Kit didn’t get anything to drink.

Now, I’m on to a new place, new people, new home… and it’s so much harder than the first time. The day I moved in to MHC, I was whisked away to a cabin in BFE with no cell phone service for 3 days with people who would become my family for the next 4 years. There was really no “seeking out” of community- I was thrown into it.

Raleigh’s a huge city where I’m surrounded by people, but the person here who probably knows the most about my daily life is a 4 month old little boy. My immediate community consists of my roommate, the family I nanny for, and the few friends I have in the area (all of whom are busy, & engaged in their own communities).

I guess I’m just feeling a little lost. I need somewhere to connect, but I haven’t found a church yet, and am gone most weekends anyway. I’m trapped by my lack of small talk ability, so I find it hard to strike up conversations with people (at the Y, for instance).

I know, I’m basically just complaining- but everyone needs their outlet sometimes. I’m not so much looking for advice or even someone to listen, I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

And are we there yet? And are we there yet? And are we there yet? Home, home home…

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One Response to “You call me a mountain, and I call you the sea…”

  1. samac March 5, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    πŸ™‚ you are loved.

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