You call me a mountain, and I call you the sea…

16 Feb

Okay, I’ll admit it.

I’m homesick.

I learned in college that “home” isn’t as much a place as it is people. And I’m realizing that I am definitely homesick lately. I absolutely love my life, don’t get me wrong. I love living in Raleigh, I LOVE my job, I love living with Leah, etc. But damn facebook keeps showing me what all of the other people in my life are doing, and it’s hard being the one that’s gone.

I know I’m where I need to be. But at the same time, it’s sad. I think with all the stress of graduating and moving out, applying and interviewing for jobs (and getting one!), the holidays, etc… It’s taken a while for me to get settled in enough to step back and realize what I left.

I loved college. I feel more at home in Asheville than anywhere in the world. The mountains call to a deep part of me that I don’t even understand. Maybe it’s because I had the most important transition years of my life (so far) there.

I miss being able to always have someone to call and eat a meal with. I miss Scott singing outside my window, and Sarah showing up in my room unannounced. I miss having a bad day and being able to go down to Todd’s office and vent. I miss knowing that Kit was within walking distance at any point in the day. I miss going to yoga with Amy and watching Chelsea Lately with Kasey, Kayla, & Katie. I miss Todd Allen and his rum & cokes and our grocery store runs. I miss the Waffle House at 2am. I miss walking up 96 stairs every day and the sense of accomplishment and relief I felt when I finally got to Brown. I miss the way Mars Hill looks in the spring with the gorgeous flowers. I miss Beaver Lake and Barnes & Noble when I needed to escape. I miss the practice rooms that I didn’t take full advantage of, and I miss band practice with Audrey & the Peter Punk Kids. I miss family dinners. I miss trips to Asheville to go to Target & sushi dates with my favorite people. I miss Mary Kate’s stories in choir and getting dirty looks for talking to each other too much. I miss picking the raisins out of my granola in the caf every day & Scott getting so upset when Kit didn’t get anything to drink.

Now, I’m on to a new place, new people, new home… and it’s so much harder than the first time. The day I moved in to MHC, I was whisked away to a cabin in BFE with no cell phone service for 3 days with people who would become my family for the next 4 years. There was really no “seeking out” of community- I was thrown into it.

Raleigh’s a huge city where I’m surrounded by people, but the person here who probably knows the most about my daily life is a 4 month old little boy. My immediate community consists of my roommate, the family I nanny for, and the few friends I have in the area (all of whom are busy, & engaged in their own communities).

I guess I’m just feeling a little lost. I need somewhere to connect, but I haven’t found a church yet, and am gone most weekends anyway. I’m trapped by my lack of small talk ability, so I find it hard to strike up conversations with people (at the Y, for instance).

I know, I’m basically just complaining- but everyone needs their outlet sometimes. I’m not so much looking for advice or even someone to listen, I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

And are we there yet? And are we there yet? And are we there yet? Home, home home…


One Response to “You call me a mountain, and I call you the sea…”

  1. samac March 5, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    πŸ™‚ you are loved.

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