“Y” is for Yoga.

9 Feb

I’ve recently joined the gym for the first time in my life, and it’s been an adventure, to say the least.ย  I joined the YMCA so I could go to yoga & pilates classes, and so they’d give me one of those awesome “I Y” stickers (which they didn’t, so guess I’m S.O.L. on that one, huh?).

In my short time as a gym member, I’ve made some interesting realizations. First of all, I’ve realized that there are different types of people who do the “gym thing.” I’ve categorized them into several groups, and I will share them with you for your critiquing/feedback.

1. “That” Guy:

We all know who I’m talking about- He’s got the GTL thing going on (Gym, Tan, Laundry, for those of you who don’t speak Jersey Shore), with the wifebeater tank top and gym shorts that probably have the logo of his men’s basketball league, or better yet, high school football team. He spends hours every day in the gym for the main purpose of bulking up in order to attract a mate.

This isn’t to say that this guy can’t be nice, he’s just… preoccupied. He can be found mostly in the weight room, making very loud noises and heaving massive amounts of weight around, straining every muscle and looking like his head could explode at any second.

2. The “Gym Teacher/Mom Jeans/Outdated Haircut” Lady:

This woman started going to aerobics classes when they began and were all the rage back in the 80s, I’m guessing. (I wasn’t born, but I think that’s close enough, based on what she wears). She can be easily spotted in her husband’s t-shirt, which is too big, and has the sleeves cut off so you can see her sports bra underneath (It is important to note that this is completely different from the high school soccer player that cuts her sleeves off to show off her sports bra- because her sports bra is most likely pink and the entire sides are cut out of the shirt to show off her ribs better.). She is wearing full length biking/spandex shorts which are then covered up with long gym shorts (old school kind with the logo on the front- which may belong to her husband), because you can’t just go to the gym in spandex at this age and keep your dignity. Paired with thick, scrunched-down white socks and bulky tennis shoes that still somehow make her feet look like a size 4, she’s ready to go!

3. The “It” Girl:

This girl would never be caught dead at the gym without a full face of makeup, her perfectly smoothed nape-of-the-neck ponytail (with bobby pin to hold back her deep side part bangs), Nike running shorts (see illustration), and special ultra-expensive tennis shoes that look brand new (because this is the only time they see the outside of the closet).

She generally has a perfect body and the skinniest legs you’ve ever seen (which seems impossible because she never breaks a sweat).

This girl is either with the aforementioned high school soccer player, or is the high school soccer player. These girls are usually seen in packs, and are intimidating to normal women who just want to work out.

4. The “Desk Job” Guy:

This guy just has no idea what’s going on in the world of workouts and weight machines.He’s easily the nicest guy in the gym, but everyone feels a little awkward around him.

He doesn’t have a sense of style, so whichever workout clothes are on sale or left over from his college years will do.

He’s always wearing those cotton shorts (You know, the ones that are just a couple inches too short and look like t-shirt material), inordinately tall socks (either the ones that come up to your knee, with the thick scrunchy ones on top, or taller thick socks on their own- preferably with stripes at the top of the calf), and bulky tennis shoes that look like they survived WW2.

The real kicker is the sweat band: sometimes it’s just one around the wrists, but you know you’ve found the ultimate “Desk Job” guy when he’s wearing one on each arm and one around his head. Usually paired with big glasses, he’s hard to miss.

These are the broad categories- not to be forgotten are the “Older Couple” who always come as a pair and do joint water-aerobics classes (everyone admires their commitment to each other and their health), the ever calm “Yoga Guru” (who can be seen in any corner, twisting their bodies into random pretzel-like positions in preparation for the next yoga session), and the “I-Just-Joined-And-Want-To-Die-Already” person who is generally wearing a painful facial expression, gulping down water, and wiping their face with one of the complimentary towels.

Then, there are us “Normal Folks.” I’m sure someone could write a blog on how funny I look at the gym, but since this is my blog, I’m going to categorize myself as normal. ๐Ÿ™‚

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2 Responses to ““Y” is for Yoga.”

  1. Kit Powell February 9, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    What exactly is the perfect body? ; ). Oh, and I happen to own those exact shorts, FYI.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Swim Trunks are NOT Shorts. « Life according to Rachel - June 15, 2011

    […] includes running shorts. I wrote a post when I first moved to Raleigh about theseย stupid nike shorts that are running (pun intended!) […]

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